She Who Waits

Can you watch movies about war? Does the time frame of either the film or your loved one's deployment schedule make a difference?

I ordered The War Tapes during his deployment in '06 and could never watch it. It's still in the wrapper, actually. I made the mistake of watching We Were Soldiers during that deployment and just couldn't bring myself to watch a documentary about the current war, where someone I loved was currently fighting.

DH really wanted to watch Generation Kill on HBO. I know I can sometimes react badly to things like this (I couldn't watch Baghdad ER either), but the first episode wasn't too bad at all.

We turned on the second episode in bed last night and I decided that I wasn't going to watch any more of them. The imagery, however hollywood-ized, was just too vivid for me. While I laughed at several points, I found myself picturing him there during that time frame (he was in the invasion) as well as visualizing future deployments. I fought back the tears and snuggled closer to DH, incredibly grateful he was there, but told him that I was done watching the series. It's hard enough trying to battle the worry without the mental videos playing too.

I sized a few more from the shoot of a friend and her pup and had to share. I'm loving getting to know the new camera.

I've been neglecting both my blog and commenting on all of you, but I still read through my RSS. That thing has the ability to condense all of my surfing to one area, but I find I'm a lot less likely to comment when I use it. I just want you all to know that I'm still here, I still read! I'm sure I'll miss a few who are just as important, but I wanted to send some shout outs to my frequent bloggy stops.

=> Read more!

I still do this. He isn't deployed any more, but almost certainly will be deployed yet again within the next year or so. I thought I was just having trouble letting go of the deployment mindset, the defense mechanisms I'd put into place. In truth, I was sort of beating myself up over not being able to stop the random morbid moments. I definitely didn't share it with anyone either, lest they try to send me to a shrink!

AFW said it well, though:

It sounds tremendously morbid to a lot of people, like I live in some kind of depressive fog. The funny thing is, I don't feel depressed about it. I feel lucky. Not lucky that we have deployments hanging over us and time apart. But lucky that I've been able to realize what we have NOW, while AFG is still with me. I have been able to better figure out when we have disagreements that are silly, and decide that they just don't matter.

Thanks Ruthie, I needed to hear that today. I needed to hear that I'm not crazy (well, any more than usual, anyway). Thanks for the info about the diamonds too, I'd forgotten about that possibility.

Do your men shovel their food?

Lean over the plate and nearly growl at anyone who approaches?

Ok, so I might be exaggerating that last part but my husband eats as if he's starving or is afraid someone will snatch his meal. It drives me nuts! We were discussing it and wondered if it's just a guy thing or a military guy thing. Thoughts?

The husband and I went to our small town's firework display last night. There was a band playing for two hours prior, and we were working the stand for the coffee shop I work at. We were a bit distracted by customers now and again, but both of us noticed the lack of anything patriotic. The town didn't even put out the flags on the utility poles like they did for Memorial Day. There were no patriotic songs, no national anthem, nothing. Just a bunch of people sitting on the lawn listening to the band and waiting for a 5 minute firework show and then sitting in traffic for 45+ minutes afterward.

Wow. How utterly sad. Especially considering that we're right outside a military base.

If we ever get stationed here again I'm definitely going to brave the crowds on base for their firework display and celebration. Hopefully they'd have the decency to acknowledge what the day was really about.

A couple of days ago I received an email from my father. We're only now beginning to rebuild our relationship, so this meant more than I could possibly express.

This time of the year I wanted to say thanks to a special soldier in my life. Sacrifice, service and outstanding faith have inspired me to tears. I am so proud of you, my Marine wife-daughter. I have witnessed the sacrifice and the unselfish heart that makes me incredibly proud and awed to the point of speechlessness. Thank you for the time of separation that you endure past all that I could ever have endured myself. For the hours of sleeplessness daily and the way you have handled yourself. I go beyond proud explaining how I feel. Surely you exemplify Semper Fi to the N'th degree. Thank you for taking care of Charlie. And thank him for me-- for his service and his love for you. If ever a 'lowly civi' could do something for you two, please let me know.

Dad

I want to send a thank you out to all of you as well. Wishing you a Happy Fourth Of July.

I know I've been kind of MIA but life is blissfully boring right this moment, aside from having to make a quick decision and trade in my old car for a new one thanks to a prematurely failing transmission. The new car is certainly nice though, and it is doing pretty well on gas mileage too, despite being quite a bit bigger. I hardly even notice that it's still a 4 cylinder.

We are starting to make the initial preparations for our first PCS (yipee), so I'm sure I'll be around a bit more as that progresses. Wish us luck, we get to do this twice in six months!

I did a little mini photo shoot for a friend with her rapidly growing pup. I haven't sized but one or two, but I fell in love with this shot and had to share.

You can't see it but there's a treat in her hand and she was trying so hard to get the pup to look at her. Right as I started snapping, he looked away, hence the exasperated look on her face. I think it completely illustrates the mix of joy and frustration that is having a puppy.