She Who Waits

Move. From. Hell.

We got word Wednesday that DH was not leaving Monday or Tuesday for three weeks of training out of state, but instead was leaving Saturday afternoon. We closed at 11am on Friday. Consequently, we were up until 0200 moving things out of the rental and into the house, and DH was trying to pack during that time too.

Thankfully, we had some truly awesome people living next door to the rental and they lent both hands and a truck to getting the rest of our stuff over here Saturday and Sunday. I don't know what I'd have done without such phenomenal friends. Thanks K & K!!

Of course, I talked to DH last night and he was headed to a movie (as I was putting together a royal PITA of a desk after finishing unloading the truck and eating dinner around midnight). They didn't have anything but non air-conditioned tents for them to stay in (in the desert), and no training for them to do until maybe Monday, but they just HAD to bump up their travel dates.

I'm hanging out in the new house for now, pilfering wireless for a couple of days until the cable guy gets here, sitting on folding chairs, using plastic/paper to eat and drink from, and just waiting for our HHG to get here next week. I've not been able to sleep more than 5 hours at a time - that is apparently the time where the crater that started out as a full air mattress wakes me. It's been ... interesting.

DH will be home in a few weeks for pre-deployment leave and then heads overseas for 12+ months. Yipee.

But hey, wifeunit asked for silver lining posts ... I just ordered a hawaiian pizza, all for me. DH doesn't like pineapple on his pizza, so I only order them when he's gone. Oh, I can't forget the double vanity. Mine, all mine.

On an unrelated front, I am 'on call' to photograph a birth for a local Marine wife. Her husband is deployed and this is their first child, so I'm very honored to be able to be there for them.

I am still alive, just kind of fallen out of the blogging habit and it's been tough to pick back up for some reason.

A little update, list style:

• We're closing on the house this Friday and moving over the weekend. I'll post some pics, I promise.
• We tried to close on the house last week and walked away from the closing table. Not. Fun.
• I have officially (and legally, in contrast to most 'shoot and burn' photogs around here) opened the doors of my photography business and that is keeping me busy! I can now say I truly love my job, which is something I never thought I would have the privilege of saying.
• DH is in pre-deployment training mode, and is headed to CA for about 3 weeks on Monday. Yes, that means I get to completely unpack everything myself after our HHG arrive July 6, and he gets to spend the weekend before intensive training doing heavy lifting. Not fun all around, really.
• We celebrated our 2nd anniversary last week, which was wonderful. There's a slim chance he'll be here for our 3rd over R&R, but we'll see! I definitely married the right man and I couldn't imagine my life without him in it.

That is pretty well all there is to write about for now. We're staying busy. Please update me on how you're all doing, I miss my bloggy buddies. Once I get a working laptop I'll get my RSS feeds up and running again so that I can keep up!

I got to walk through the house yesterday. It is framed and the windows are in. They're doing the outer wrap and both the plumber and HVAC guys were there yesterday. So far, we're still on schedule for a mid June closing.

Of course, DH leaves for a month at the end of June. Yipee. Though, this does mean that I can put everything away and he'll never find anything.

... but wow did I wish I were, recently.

Someone asked about Hubs' upcoming schedule and I mentioned the deployment and change of assignment. We'd just been discussing the new house.

Anyone want to guess what she said to me?

Well, I guess you knew what you were getting into when you married him.

I swear, that phrase makes me want to punch people in the throat to shut them up. Yes, I knew what I was getting into - that makes it soooo much easier. Thanks for the cure all coping mechanism I'd forgotten about. Go away.

To top it all off, her son is in the Army. You'd think she'd have a little sympathy.

I lie beside him tonight lost in my own worries, fear, love, and sadness. We are facing yet another deployment and it's one neither of us were expecting due to the nature of the assignment and its duration. I find myself already slipping into that pre-deployment anticipation mode. I am emotional and clingy, trying to hold back tears while wanting to savor every little thing. I alternate between denial and that sickeningly familiar weight on my chest that I know as deployment.

I remember so clearly how difficult nights are without him, how empty and tortuously long. I snuggle close and wrap my arms around him, not worrying about waking him; he sleeps so deeply it would take a force of nature to wake him. He's warm against me and I revel in that a moment. I breathe in his natural scent - a little sweet, a little soapy, but decidedly male - and it washes over me as a fondly familiar scent from childhood would. It conjures short scenes from our life together thus far and is at once comforting and saddening, because I am also reminded of how much we miss when he's gone.

Seven months seemed maddeningly long during his last deployment, especially considering it occurred at the beginning of our marriage. He's been home nearly a year thanks to the school in Army land; we should be counting our blessings for that one. And yet, all I can think of is how difficult, how empty my day to day life is without my husband, my other half.

The praying for a phone call, never straying far from an internet connection, daily worry and sleepless nights ... for a year plus? I know others have done far longer deployments but tonight, at 0342, I am having trouble fathoming going back to that state of existence for so very long. I think I like my denial better.

I'll tell you what.
I'll start every morning from now on with prayer for peace.
If it won't help, it won't do any harm.

An internet acquaintance 'said' this to me this morning, as we were chatting about how happy his wife and six month old daughter made him. I noted that it would be a while longer for my husband and I until we had children and explained (in no specific detail, of course) the upcoming deployment. We co-operate a website and the company we work for is based in Israel. I'd imagine that an Israeli with a wife and young child would have many reasons to pray for peace and yet, he's doing this on my behalf. It touched me.

This week I had the phenomenal pleasure of shooting a homecoming for a friend of mine. Her husband was gone for 7 months and came home to a 10 1/2 week old daughter along with his doting wife.

I hope to do many more of these, it was wonderful to be there and see such a reunion.

If any of you know folks in my area who might be interested in photos, please email me through the blog email feature. I'm running a Portfolio Building Special and they can get a fantastic deal.

Here's a teaser picture. Click Read More for the rest!

=> Read more!

I can't sleep. Despite the two 'natural' sleeping pills I've taken.

I was going back through some old blog posts and realized I'd packed away my trowel and mortar. Crap. I have to find those again soon.

I wonder which box they're in.

Remember the something else I mentioned a couple of posts ago? The one not at all appealing to either of us? Of course, that's what he got stuck with.

I won't go into detail for OPSEC/PERSEC sake, but it means a year deployment, plus a 3-4 month workup immediately prior. We were told it would be a regular 7 month deployment when we got the first set of orders and even for the subsequent two assignments, so this is proving to be quite an adjustment. DH isn't happy with the assignment, I'm certainly not, and that makes for an unhappy household.

Closing on the new house, moving into it without him, and trying to sell the old house without being on the mortgage/title should be fun.

Yes, I'm having a pity party. Feel free to come join me.