She Who Waits

Giiiiiiirrrrl.

My husband is from a certain state known for its redneck factor. And he has the table manners one would assume someone from this state might have. I had gotten him to sit up, take his arms away from around his plate, chew with his mouth closed, and at least cover his maw if he felt it necessary to speak to me while his overfull mouth was brimming.

Alas, every time he leaves home, whether for a one-week underway or a full-on deployment, he returns home with the manners of a feral dog guarding his meal and slurping it up so fast, he's always the first one done. Oh, and the times when he's trying to stuff such a large bite that he actually has to unhook his jaw... Yeah.

He knows I feel this way, so I don't mind sharing. It used to bother me a LOT, but then I realized people weren't going to judge me by my husband's manners. So now I try to ignore him so I can eat my meal without wanting to urp, but I let him be the animal he so wants to be.

Mine not only inhales his food in record time, but then gets up and starts clearing the table and cleaning the kitchen while the rest of us are still eating. Now, I don't mind that he cleans up (sort of). But I do mind his timing. We have discussed this many times but after tonight's performance, it's clear we need to discuss it again!

My husband is the exact opposite. He takes FOREVER to eat. He said that in boot camp they had to eat quickly, so he's going to take his time. Boy does he ever! He's been the last one sitting at the table on more than one occasion. Sure, I try to hang out with him while he finishes up, but he keeps going back for 2nds, 3rds, 4ths,... and he takes his time eating each plate.

OH, I haven't giggled so hard in a long time! I think it's a mix...maybe an ACU laden Y chromosome? Elbows full on. Napkins have a place - crumpled beside the plate. Inhaling? I often have to promise him he will get another meal. He thought I was nagging until our 3-1/2 year old started her daddy habits and now he sees how frustrating it is. He didn't believe me and saying, "huh?" When he knows good and well what I said and heard me without issue. I love him dearly, but having a mimmicking toddler has proven to be my lifesaver. I will say, if we are out and about, he will be on his best behavior after once of "the look."

And I would kill for him to pick up the kitchen without being "encouraged."

We love them. We love them dearly. But it does take twice as long as the time he is gone to reprogram him

Mine doesn't 'guard' his food, but he certainly eats quickly. Usually he's half done by the time I even sit down. He's the type to start clearing before we're finished too. Or he sits there and looks bored while the rest of us eat.

No it's not just a man thing....it's also a 'mother's who don't ever get to eat in peace' thing! I don't guard my food (although sometimes I want to cause Emily is forever stealing food from my plate...even when she's eating the exact same thing) but if I want to it while it's still warm I have about 2 minutes to eat it! lol
Alex takes much longer than me to eat.

You've seen me eat... or do you blink?

My boyfriend (army special forces) does this too. He blames Ranger School and other various special forces training when he had only 5 minutes to eat an MRE. He eats twice as fast as I do and then proceeds to start eating off of my plate when he's done!

Ha! I do think that this has A LOT to do with the military, and my hubby is proof. We've been together for 9 years. 8 of those 9 he has always been the s-l-o-w-e-s-t eater ever!! It was so bad that when at a restaurant, a table beside us who got their food way after us would be leaving before he was even done with his meal. However, after coming home from his deployment he now INHALES his food. I don't even know if he tastes it! He blames it on not having a lot of time to eat over there, etc. But it's ridiculous how fast he eats now. I guess I kind of secretly hoped all these years that he would eat faster, but I didn't know I'd get my wish to such an extreme!

Obi-Wan sucks it down too pretty quickly. He knows it too. I remind him once in a while when he's going to town on a meal to slow down. He's just always eaten fast, not for any particular reason. I even joke and ask him if he'd like a shovel.

Ha! That's funny. Of course, I can only tell you what I saw of my soldier last fall and that boy can EAT! I blamed it on his training, he is a triathlete, and has the metabolism of a horse. Maybe not having time to eat while deployed doesn't help. Too funny...

I have gradually got my husband to eat more slowly, but I fear my work might all have been undone now he is in Iraq.

When he was at RMC Duntroon (the Australian Officer's School) he used to gulp it down; but I notice it most when he has been out bush.

When we were dating I'd take 2 bites of my dinner and he'd be all done with his. I used to blame the Army then I met my MIL and she asked if he still did it. Apparently growing up she used to ask him if he ever tasted his food since he ate so fast.

He's gotten a bit better.. I think it's in part b'c I purposely get smaller portions and double his..

Josh is a shoveler!! But I do have to sometimes too...because like Carmen said...kids just change the way you eat. Haha...if I dont shove it in at least a little, im not getting a warm dinner. LOL!

Yeah, no, my husband is the exact opposite. I asked him about it and he said that during Ranger school, pre us.....he learned all too well about starvation....since then he has taken the opportunity to enjoy his food....albeit too many times I am left staring at him as he eats with my plate empty....

But mostly, I'd say it's a guy military thing...I never scarfed my food down when I was in the Army.....way too many times I missed a meal because of one thing or another.....now I'm just happy to have a meal be uninterrupted by someone needing something from me.....

Ah, the joy of kids......

~ASW